


Stargazing

by jaebeomssixthcat, yugyeomsberet



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Cute, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Kissing, Light Smut, M/M, Making Out, Rare Pairings, Romance, blowjob, implied blowjob, its our first fic plz be indulgent, they're only 3 years apart, they're superrr cute, yugyeom is a cry baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:42:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28797816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaebeomssixthcat/pseuds/jaebeomssixthcat, https://archiveofourown.org/users/yugyeomsberet/pseuds/yugyeomsberet
Summary: Yugyeom has been in love with his older friend Jaebeom for what seems like forever.After numerous failed attempts, all it takes is a couple of drinks for him to finally make a move.
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Kim Yugyeom, Park Jinyoung/Jackson Wang
Comments: 8
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys, 
> 
> enjoy this unedited masterpiece of your fav boys jb and yg being a couple of dumb gay idiots. 
> 
> we know it's short but there's more to come so please stick with us haha
> 
> this fic was initially inspired by stargazing from the neighborhood but we kinda went off the rails. 
> 
> don't forget to drop a like and a comment, any feedback will be very appreciated :)

He glanced over at the big hands that held the steering wheel with such delicacy. A few rings decorated his long fingers, having lost their shine from being worn so many times. A few dark traits deepened the intricate carvings of the rings, one swirling around his middle finger in the shape of a snake, another one with the head of an eagle on it firmly grasping at his index finger. Yugyeom’s gaze analyzed every single detail that caught his eye before he finally looked away, scared of spooking the other. 

His eyes turned towards the old screen of the car which showed that “title 3” was playing. Of course, he had to make his own mixtapes since there was no aux cord in his “vintage car”. He told him many times that the vehicle looked like it could give up on them at any time, but his love for this junk pile stopped him from getting rid of it. “It holds a special place in my heart”, he had said. He knew it was just because he was too cheap to buy himself a new car. 

His long hair fell in front of his deep eyes, staring into the dark road, barely any street lights illuminating their way as they rode over a long bridge. Was it 3 am already? Time had passed in the blink of an eye. The intense smell of alcohol and sweat still lingered in the back of his throat, with the uncomfortable sting of the acidic throw up that remained from the “little accident” he had a good hour ago. Yugyeom was tired of course but he wasn’t out of it. What had he even drank? Maybe 2 shots from what he remembered. He was really glad that he hadn’t taken that pill that Bambam had offered. Where had he even gotten that? And from who? But the other had still downed it like it was nothing. Despite the fact that he had taken it, right now the white-haired male was peacefully sleeping in the back seat of the car, a plastic bag under his head - since despite how drunk and high the other was, Jaebeom would still kill him if he even got a drop of vomit in his car. 

“Thank you for picking us up, hyung. I didn’t know it would get that bad.” mumbled the youngest as he glanced back up at the music major who replied with a slight nod before adding: “Are you guys going to be okay? I don’t want Bambam waking up in a seizure.” Yugyeom could only nod silently, already grateful that he had come to pick them up, and he believed, or more so hoped that Bambam would be fine.  
“If there is any problem, please call me or Jinyoung, we’ll be right there.” He declared like he already had so many times. His hyungs were always looking out for them, making sure that they really understood by repeating the same things to them over and over again.

“I know.” Murmured Yugyeom, a gentle smile stretching across his plump lips. They exchanged a brief but gentle glance before Jaebeom brought his already softer gaze onto the roads that slowly got brighter, announcing their arrival into the city. 

Yugyeom has missed this. To be more precise, Yugyeom missed Jaebeom. There was always a comforting presence he brought with him that he so needed these days. The stress of college life meant that he was throwing himself back and forth between long work hours and intense parties. He was now maybe realizing that a shit ton of weed and alcohol were not always going to fix his problems because no matter how fast he lived, life just seemed to be able to go a little faster. 

For the first time in a long time, while sitting in Jaebeom’s car, Yugyeom felt like time had stopped. He dropped his head back onto the headrest and looked over at Jaebeom. Like he had done a thousand times before, his eyes traced over the different angles and curvatures of his friend’s face. When Jaebeom suddenly flashed him a confused look and for the millisecond that their eyes met, Yugyeom almost forgot how to breathe. 

“Hey… You sure you’re okay?” he let out an airy laugh.

“Yeah,” he cringed at his own too-quick response. “It’s just we haven’t hung out in a while. I missed you,” Shit “and Jackson and Youngjae and everyone.” He finished trailing off at the end. Jaebeom only hummed in response. 

“You grew out your hair.” It fell naturally and reached the top of his shoulders and looked good, really good. In fact it was doing things to him that he hadn’t felt in a long time. It seems that another thing busy school life had robbed him of was the rather embarrassingly intense feelings Yugyeom had for Jaebeom. But maybe that was a good thing. He had been trying to calm his racing heart for over a year and it only ever seemed to get worse. 

“Yeah, I kept putting it off since I wasn’t sure but you guys kept insisting that it would look good so… I trusted your opinion.” He shrugged, his lips staying in his discreet smile as he brought his hand up to tuck a long strand behind his pierced ear. “I’m glad you like it.” He added after the short pause, seeming very content with such a simple compliment. He laid his head on the window, watching the street lights pass by one by one, and let out a deep sigh. He thought back to the last time he was in a similar situation.

The seven of them had gone on a trip together and on their way back they split into three cars. Jinyoung and Jackson left earlier together because Jackson had to catch a flight back home to Hong Kong for a couple of days. Youngjae and Bambam then found themselves in Mark's car after pissing Jaebeom off (not that he could ever really get mad at Youngjae). This left Yugyeom and Jaebeom together in the same car. He remembered his palms getting sweaty, his collar feeling hot, and his ears getting red every time Jaebeom said anything nice to him. Before they left, Bambam had given him a pep-talk and encouraged him to shoot his shot. Yugyeom had even felt a little spark of confidence at first and was fully prepared to confess, or at the very least flirt.

"So it's just the two of us, huh?" he let out a nervous laugh.

"Thank god! I am not in the mood to deal with Youngjae's loud ass laugh and Bambam's nonstop ridiculous jokes right now. Not that you're never loud," he gave Yugyeom a pointed look, referring to the obnoxious amount of noise and overall disruption he had caused with the other two last night. "You are best friends, no one is expecting anything else."

"Hey! I'm not that bad!" he retorted quickly, pouting. Jaebeom just laughed. It was heartwarming and so addicting, so although he had tried to keep his composure, a small chuckle escaped his lips before he too burst out laughing. Moments like these were when Yugyeom was reminded of why he actually liked his friend and sometimes even felt like he was falling for him for the very first time again. They sat in a comfortable silence for half an hour until he decided to ask a question.

"Are you... busy with anything these next few weeks?"

He only hummed pensively in response. "With anything..." he repeated the question.  
"Or, with anyone?"

He looked at Yugyeom strangely. "What do you mean by that? If you want to hang out, we can. I'll be going home to my parents for the last two weeks of summer but that still leaves some time."

Yugyeom was hardly able to keep his smile hidden. He was already looking forward to spending time together. Coffee shops, lunch, dinner, the movies... There were so many things he had always wanted to do together. The situations in his daydreaming ranged from just simply being in each other's presence to other things, more... explicit things. That thought brought a wave of nervousness over him.

"Really? Is there no one but me to keep you company?" Yugyeom teased, hoping he would say yes and just play along.

"Oh shit, I almost forgot," Jaebeom answered with wide eyes. "There's this girl in one of my classes, Irene. I promised her we'd hang out. We got close during the last few weeks of the year. God," he sighed, "she's so pretty, and like, funny. I sort of want to ask her out, but I just haven't found the right moment. Do you have any tips? I was thinking we can go for a picnic or something similar. I mean, that's romantic and intimate, right?"

At that very moment, he thought he might have heard his heart shatter into a thousand pieces inside of his chest.

"What?" He heard his pulse get louder and louder in his ears. Jaebeom was smiling, but not at him. At the thought of someone else. Mouth dry, he turned his head abruptly to look out of the window, trying to hide the tears that were threatening to come out. No, he would not cry. He would not cry. Not in the car with Jaebeom when they had hours to go and not because of a silly crush.

"You okay, man? Did you see something out there, why do you look so shocked?" Jaebeom questioned him, a hint of worry present in his voice. "Is it that hard to believe I can ask another human being out?" He tried joking it off, still audibly concerned.

"No, it's not that." He managed to let out. "I think that it's a good idea. The picnic, I mean. And it's not hard to believe, I just saw something outside... but it must have been a mistake." Clearing his throat, he hoped he sounded natural. Of course he could imagine Jaebeom asking someone out on a date, and Jaebeom dating, and Jaebeom being affectionate, and Jaeboem making someone breakfast early in the morning in the most cringey rom-com fashion ever. In fact, Yugyeom had imagined all of these scenarios many times. But the only difference was that every time it was his forehead that Jaebeom was kissing and he was the one waking up in his bed. Not whoever Irene was or anyone else for that matter.

"Okay then. I'll have to prepare. What's a good wine for these sorts of things? She told me she was a wine person, but I can't remember what brand she mentioned, it was something in French." he shook his head, seemingly disappointed in himself. Yugyeom tried to swallow the metaphorical lump that formed in his throat. He paid attention to small details about her, does Jaebeom know his favorite alcohol or what he likes to drink on dates? Anger started to bubble inside of him, or was that jealousy? In any case, Yugyeom hated how it felt. He hated feeling useless and as if he wasn't good enough. What did he do to deserve this?

"I think that one park next to the Han river is nice. That one spot we got wasted with Jackson that one time. It's actually really calm during the day." Why couldn't he shut up? Yugyeom closed his eyes and tried to drone out Jaebeom excitedly rambling, only letting out a short grunt in agreement once in a while. 

A slight bump in the road woke him from his less than pleasant memories. He grimaced, that had been the last time they had spent time together. They didn't meet up like they had planned, mostly because Yugyeom was too busy wallowing in heartbreak and his own tears. There was no way he could meet him knowing that he was planning his own date with someone completely different. Once summer ended three months ago and classes started back up again, they had only seen each other in bigger groups at lunch or briefly at the library where they weren't even allowed to talk.

As they slowed down to a halt at a red light, a sudden groan came from the backseat. They both turned around at the same time. Bambam was still asleep and, lucky for Jaebeom, had not yet thrown up anywhere.

"Do you need me to help you take care of him? I can stay for a while." Jaebeom said quietly, not wanting to disturb the sleeping 20 year-old in the back.

"No, it's fine. I've done this a hundred times before. He just needs to sleep and drink a ton of water tomorrow. I don't know if he told you but he has his own hangover medicine now. It’s some combination of exotic Japanese herbs. He's convinced it will work one day because of something he read online." He chuckled. "We're all still waiting for that day." Jaebeom smiled widely at this. Bambam, directly or indirectly, could always brighten up the atmosphere.

Once they arrived at their dorm, they both hauled Bambam up, his arms around each of their shoulders. He was half asleep the whole time and mumbling something about how he would never drink again and that he's about to die. That was a big fat lie of course, they would both be going to whatever party would be next. Yugyeom pulled out his keys and struggled to open the door.

"Need some help with that?" Yugyeom's heart skipped a beat. He had to get it together, he was acting like a love-struck high-schooler and it was getting embarrassing. Shaking his head, the door finally swung up.

"I feel sick," Bambam groaned in his ear. They dragged him to the bathroom as quickly as possible and watched as he regurgitated the contents of his stomach.

"At least he didn't do that in my car." Jaebeom said with a look of disgust. "Anyways, are you sure you don't want me to stay?"

"No, honestly it's fine. I'll deal with his dirty ass."

"I'll make sure to close the door after me." He waved. "Also, text me sometime, we should hang out."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo besties have fun reading this chapter  
> this is unedited but have fun anyways  
> ch3 next week ;)

Back pressed against the postered brick wall filled with unconventional and not always appropriate stickers, any germophobic thoughts he could've had flew out of his mind immediately at the feeling of Jaebeom's heavy breathing in his ear. His mind felt foggy as he raised his hips to create any sort of friction. Jaebeom pressed a heavy kiss on the side of his jaw and then another one on the side of his mouth. Large hands on his hips pushed him back up against the wall, he could feel the other's teasing smirk against his pale skin. The older boy's fingers digging into his hip bones - it would definitely leave a mark, but that was perfectly fine with Yugyeom.

Their lips met and his heart basically stopped. The obnoxiously loud music coming from the club was muffled into the background. He raised his hands and tangled his fingers into Jaebeom's long black hair. Groaning, he tugged. Jaebeom reciprocated the noise.

"I want-" he mumbled. He was cut off by a hand gripping his ass. His temperature had definitely risen to a dangerous level and the

"Yeah?"

He wasn't able to produce a response. A single thought played through his mind on loop. A single name. Jaebeom.

He didn’t reply, hand gripping the other’s hair harder before he crashed their lips again. He wanted more. He craved him. More, more, more… It was greed at its finest. It was passionate and hungry. 

Jaebeom dropped to his knees. This position... Seeing him from above like that brought a new wave of passion over him. He unbuckled the belt and unzipped his pants for him. Fuck, that was hot.

He looked up at Yugyeom. Through the dim purple light he was finally able to see his face clearly and the look he had made Yugyeom think of all the unspeakable things he would let that man do to him.

"God... I want you so bad." Jaebeom whispered. This couldn't be real... He couldn't believe this was happening.

Yugyeom woke up in a gasp, sweating. He shuffled heavily in his duvet to throw it off of him as quickly as possible. He could feel the damp sheets from how much he had sweat. Turning over, he yelled in his pillowcase in frustration. Fuck. It had been months since he'd last had such a dream.

"You okay bro?" Mark was at the door. He flinched in surprise. "I was told Bambam was on the brink of death, so I came to see if you're both okay."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." He said as relaxed as possible, followed by a very awkward laugh.

"Alright... I'll be in the kitchen if you need me." He replied with a suspicious glance as he left.

He mumbled some affirmative words along with "okay hyung" that had no chance of being heard. He thought that he could finally relax and shamefully bathe in the guilt of the dream he just had but he noticed an uncomfortable and painful pressure in between his legs. Shit, not again. Getting up with a groan, he walked in shame to the bathroom to get rid of his raging hard-on.

He was very glad that Mark was not there to see him waddle to the bathroom with a tent under his sweatpants. Sweatpants that he had no memory of putting on last night.

It was quick and shameful. He felt like utter shit, even worse when it was his face that kept popping up in his mind. Same position, down on his knees.. He was disgusting. After he finished his business, he found himself in the kitchen searching for breakfast. 

“Is Bambam awake yet?” 

“No, he probably won’t be for a while.” Mark passed him a glass of water. 

“I have to go meet Jinyoung. He asked me to help with the choreography for their next musical so we’re going to see if we can work something out.” 

“Are you sure you’re not too hungover for that,” Mark joked. 

“I think I’ll be fine. And in any case, we’ll just get a coffee together or something,” He answered, taking a bagel with him back to his room, while he fetched his clothes so he could go shower and get ready.

Yugyeom was late, by a tiny 5 minutes, but he knew he wasn’t going to hear the end of it from Jinyoung. The older male already had to go through the struggle of being best friends with Jaebeom who was late to anything ever planned, so his patience for late people was already at his lowest. And he was not one to show Yugyeom or Bambam any mercy for their fuckups. 

He jogged all the way from the metro station to the cafe they said they would be meeting, finally saw the cute little sign among the other stores and quickly walked inside. The change in temperature was bigger than he expected. Winter in Korea was harsh. He shuddered, snuggling himself into his big scarf as he scanned the place before spotting his friend at the other end of the cafe, as far from the entrance as possible. Briskly walking over, he stopped at the two-person table Jinyoung was seated at. 

“Hey, I’m sorry I’m late…” He started his sentence as he took off his long coat and hung it behind the chair. 

“It’s okay. Mark already apologized for you. He said you didn’t look like you were feeling the best so I understand,” Jinyoung said after cutting him off, putting down the cup of tea that he had been holding under his nose. 

“Oh, okay. Thank you.” He was a little taken aback by the nice act, also noting down in a corner of his mind to thank Mark for it later. 

“How is Bambam doing ?” Asked the older male as he watched Yugyeom shed his hat and the thick scarf around his neck. 

“He’ll be fine, he had already started whining about his headache to Mark as I was heading out.” Smiling, he pulled out his wallet from his pocket and gestured to the counter. “I’ll just go order something for myself real quick.”

Jinyoung dismissed him with a swift of the hand, his signature arrogant smirk and nod. Yugyeom thanked him and quickly made his way over there to order himself a warm coffee. Rubbing it with his hand, he could feel how the cold affected his nose as he waited behind the two people who had beaten him to the queue. 

Looking behind the counter, he saw the employee preparing the coffee. He looked about his age, pretty eyes with coiffed light blond, long hair. He hadn’t realized if he was staring until the barista looked over his shoulder and their eyes met. He muttered a silent “shit” to himself, his eyes immediately looking away. Well, he wasn’t cold anymore from how much he was blushing. He awkwardly rubbed the tip of his ears that he knew damn well were already bright red.

He shyly looked back up to check if the man he had just checked out was creeped out or not. He didn’t seem like it, he was even smiling to himself. Was he smiling because he found the situation uncomfortable or because he found him cute too? It seemed to be the first option. 

It was soon enough his turn and he gave in his order, without forgetting to stumble on every other word in the two sentences he pronounced. Anxiously, he waited at the end of the counter for his coffee. 

Finally, his name got called out, making him look up and make eye contact with the cute barista. He smiled timidly as the employee slid his drink to him, keeping eye contact for a couple seconds longer than usual. Before winking at him and turning back to continue his job. Oh... Alright.

The ravanette quickly grabbed his coffee and made his way back over to his friend that had been watching the whole time with a curious but knowing smile. 

“Did that barista just-”

“I think so...” interrupted Yugyeom, still in shock as he quickly stuffed his wallet back into his pocket. As he looked back up at Jinyoung, he realized he had his cup in hand, reading something off of it. 

“Geez, he must have thought you were really cute to give you his phone number,” chuckled Jinyoung before turning around the cup to show him the message he hadn’t realized over the pathetic panicking. 

“Red is your color...” He read off as his eyes widened and hid his face in his large hands. “Am I that red..?” He asked in a muffled voice, peeking at his friend through spread-out fingers. 

“Yeah, you look like a fire hydrant.” 

“What the hell…” he muttered, slowly hiding between his own two shoulders. He was regressing in his shell like a turtle. 

“You’re so popular, Yugyeom-oppa!” joked Jinyoung in a high pitched voice and obnoxious pout, making doe eyes at him. This made the other chuckle as he leaned over to give him a friendly push on the shoulder, mumbling a little “shut up.”

“Are you gonna text him though ?” Asked the older one once Yugyeom had started returning to his normal color. He went to hook his fingers under his cup of tea and brought it to his lips again, but waited for an answer before drinking it.

“I don’t know. Maybe? He looked cute.” He sighed, a little troubled by the question as he ruffled his own hair. Of course Jaebeom was the first one to pop into his mind, but those feelings would never be reciprocated anyway… So what was the harm in trying to text another guy, right? 

“I thought you liked Jaebeom.” 

“I do but-” He stopped dead in his tracks. Had he just said that? Wait. Jinyoung only raised a knowing eyebrow. “How do you know?”

“Remember that one party two Octobers ago where you tried smoking three joints at once?” He nodded, biting the inside of his cheek. He had absolutely no memories of what happened next, only knowing what other people told him. “I was trying to get you to leave but you wouldn’t stop complaining that you needed to stay. When I asked why, you giggled and told me you were going to woo over Jaebeom that night. I asked if you liked him-”

He groaned in embarrassment. 

“And you confessed like seven times and kept talking about him as if he was god’s gift to Earth.” Jinyoung swirled his drink around. “That part was a little disturbing, not gonna lie. Anyways, after that it became hard to not see how you dote on him non-stop.”

“I do not!”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. “If only you could see yourself from the side.”

His phone on the table lit up. It was a message from Bambam, he was also on his way over. 

In clearing his throat, he tried to change the subject. “Aren’t we meeting to talk about your new play?”

“It’s been pushed back. I’ll send you the script once we finalize it and the contact information of the producers we’re working with.” He sighed and looked out behind him. Suddenly, a smile bloomed on his face. Eyes crinkling, he laughed.

Bambam shows up

“Hey, it’s me. I’m here. I know you missed me!” Bambam appeared from the side, immediately leaning in for a handshake from Jinyoung and then from Yugyeom. He pulled up a chair, sipping on a frappucino. 

“Not really. Especially after I saw what you did in the bathroom last night.” He gave his friend a teasing glare. 

“How could you say something like that. Doesn’t our love mean anything to you!” he put his hand over his heart dramatically. 

“Right now the only love that matters is Yugyeom’s love for Jaebeom.” Jinyoung said abruptly.

“You know?” Bambam gasped. 

“He always knows everything. We should stop acting so surprised every time.” 

“While we’re on the subject, I also happen to know there’s a girl you’ve been spending some quality time with.” Jinyoung cocked his head. “What was her name again… Lisa?”

“We’re just friends…” Bambam mumbled, blushing a deep red. This made the other two laugh again. It was cute. 

“Anyways, I digress. As I was saying, you need to tell him something or give him some more obvious hints now and then. It’s been so long and we can’t just let you continue like this.” 

Bambam agreed. “That’s what I’ve been saying for the longest time. Except every time you just freak out and make it worse for yourself. 

“Listen,” Jinyoung leaned forward. “Jaebeom is amazing, sure. But he’s not exactly the brightest crayon in the box when it comes to these sorts of things. Even though to you and everyone else it seems obvious, he’s probably just passing it off as your friendship.”

“What more can I even do at this point. He likes someone else, he told me.” Yugyeom thought back to the car ride during the summer.

“Who?” Jinyoung looked genuinely perplexed. 

“Irene.” He answered in a duh tone. 

“Isn’t she with Joy? Their whole “lesbian goals” relationship is everywhere.” Bambam butted in. Yugyeom’s jaw dropped. 

"Why didn’t you tell me!” 

“Dude, I thought you knew! I thought you kept tabs on the whole Jaebeom/Irene thing and that’s why you got over it.” 

“Okay, that’s besides the point. Now that you know he’s single and available - which I easily could have told you by the way, I live with him - we have to make some sort of plan. Multiple options for multiple scenarios. Concise. Straight to the point. Your feelings should come across clearly.” 

“Just say, ‘I like you’,” Bambam put on an exaggerated rom-com main male lead confession scene face. “‘You’re the one for me. You’re the only one that’s ever mattered’.” He puckered his lips and made some obscene smooching sounds. Yugyeom visibly cringed. 

“What the fuck man...”

“Don’t ever do that,” Jinyoung tried to diffuse the situation, also looking disgusted at Bambam’s awful acting. “But, the vague idea behind what you’ve said isn’t that bad.” Yugyeom stuck his tongue out playfully. “Jackson and I also went through a phase where neither of us really knew if the other liked us back. We were in a stalemate where it was hard to tell if the other was flirting or just being friendly - especially since we all know how touchy and extroverted Jackson is. I finally had enough and pulled him aside. We talked it through - “

“Wait, you confessed first?”

“No…” Jinyoung admitted. “I got a little nervous, and only managed to stutter a few words out. Luckily, Jackson understood where I was getting at. He actually said it first.”

Luckily? Was Jinyoung giving him advice when he himself wasn’t even able to accomplish these plans of his? There was no way he could be certain Jaebeom would understand. He sighed in despair. He was fucked if this is the advice he was going to listen to. 

“No but seriously at this point what could go wrong. If you're straight forward and just confess he could either reciprocate your feelings or you’ll get rejected, in which case you’ll finally have a good reason to get over it. Either way, I still think you’ll stay friends.” Bambam reassured him while also stealing away his drink.

“Do you think I have a chance?”

“Honestly…” Jinyoung started.

“Wait!” he interrupted. “Don’t say anything. Whatever you want to say will only make me feel worse.”

Jinyoung put his hands up in surrender and they switched topics. 

On just another bitter Tuesday morning in one of the coldest months of the year, Yugyeom was woken up at 8 a.m by the blaring of his alarm clock. Groaning, he rolled to his side and picked up his phone to stop it. His eyes were still adjusting but he still managed to make out the vague shape of the "turn off" button. Sighing he closed his eyes again in order to savour the last minute of quiet and the warmth of his bed.

Suddenly his phone pinged. It was... Jaebeom?

jay b <3 

8:07 am Hey

8:07 amYou left your hat in my car last week

8:08 am I just found it

He had been looking for that (not that he didn't own another three berets that looked almost exactly the same). Another message popped up.

jay b <3 

8:10 am You can come over tonight at the studio

He texted back in agreement and got up to get ready. While brushing his teeth he thought about what Jaebeom had said. The studio... it had been ages since he'd seen Jaebeom in the studio. It was actually one of his favorite spots to see Jaebeom in. The aura he gave off while in the studio making music was unmatched. It was the same passion and interest with which Yugyeom danced with. Also, he might have had some not-so-safe for work fantasies set in that same studio.

Thinking back to the conversation he had with Jinyoung and Bambam a couple of days before, he wondered if there was anything he could do. Tuesday wasn’t that busy of a day, but he had to both start and end the day with two of the most boring classes which always left him lethargic and in a terrible mood. He would probably just stop by and leave as quickly as possible, there was no need to make an already bad day worse by failing for the thousandth time at getting anything more from Jaebeom. 

The rest of the day passed in the same way every other Tuesday went. He ran to the bus, barely making it, then almost fell asleep twice in his first period dance history class. The evolution of traditional Korean dance could sometimes be interesting, but definitely not with the way this professor taught it. Afterwards, he hurried to a two hour long contemporary dance class that was relatively fun. It wasn't really his style, but after every lesson he felt like he had actually learnt something new and it was nice to get out of his comfort zone from time to time (just not when it came to relationships). However the afternoon only brought another lecture and although he would've loved to not pay attention, he barely passed the last semester.

"Don't forget to do the reading and complete the assignment I just gave you for next week."

It was finally over. He jumped out of his seat and shoved his papers in his bag. The studio was just outside campus and it belonged to the school's music division. It might be a little weird, but Yugyeom liked the way it smelled. As much as he loved the dance studios, they often smelled like sweat and pain by the end of the day. On the other hand, the music studios smelled nice and were always warm in a more homely sort of way. It was probably just the soundproof padding and wooden interior design, but it was still satisfying.

A half an hour walk in the chilly late afternoon air later, Yugyeom finally arrived. He ran up the stairs and almost burst through the door, but he stopped himself suddenly. He had to calm himself down.  
Breathe in. Don't be weird. Don't be weird.

Knocking softly, he opened the door cautiously.

"Are you busy? I came for my cap."

Taking one look at the man sitting in front of the audio interface, his breath was knocked straight out of him. Fuck. He should have meditated or something beforehand.

Jaebeom's disheveled hair was half up in a small ponytail. He was wearing his typical baggy black cargo pants and an oversized white long-sleeved shirt that had stretched over his wide shoulders. The slightly homeless look he was rocking was so hot. Actually, he was almost always wearing the same casual, oversized street-wear style. So as you can imagine, Yugyeom always thought he looked great. Let's be honest, he could wear anything and Yugyeom would still drool after him like a love-struck puppy. Sadly Jaebeom was more of a cat person (it wasn't that big of a secret, he had five of them)... Maybe that was why Jaebeom didn't like him back.

"It's fine, you can come in. Sit," he gestured to the other chair in the room. "I've been in here alone all day."

As he reached into a bag to the side, Yugyeom made his way to sit down. Jaebeom tossed him the hat.

"Tha-"

Jaebeom grabbed the bottom of his chair and pulled him closer. The rest of the "thank you" got lost in his throat.

"You wanna hear what I've done today," he smiled. "I'm not quite done and it's still sorta underproduced, but I listened to it so many times now that it doesn't feel real anymore. I need someone else to hear it."

He wasn't planning on staying but the heavy bass had already started flowing out of the speakers and he bobbed his head along with the beat. A lighter piano melody was quickly added. Jaebeom's eyes bore holes in the side of his head, watching for any sort of reaction. Jaebeom's stare paired with the awfully sultry tone of his song flustered Yugyeom.

"So? What do you think? I'll take any feedback at this point," he retorted, leaning back in his chair as the song came to an end.

"I like it."

Jaebeom raised an eyebrow and flashed him a smile, waiting for more.

"I do feel like it's missing something - it feels incomplete. The beat is seriously, like, a vibe," he cringed at his own word choice. Jaebeom also scrunched his nose, mouthing "a vibe" back to him mockingly. "Are there any lyrics?"

"I have a couple of ideas. I've written three drafts, but I'm not satisfied with any of them. Here," he passed him some sheets of paper. "I circled the parts I like in each."

He skimmed the carefully chosen words. Jaebeom might not be among the greatest spellers in South Korea, but he certainly had a way of expressing himself that arose all sorts of feelings in people.

"Wow, hyung," he was going to start gushing over the pure poetry on those pages but he held himself back. "I think this fits really well with the instrumental you already have. Maybe you could... sing it for me. If we figure out how to put it together."

"You want to help me write the lyrics?" Jaebeom teased. Crap, he didn't release he had said that. He decided to just go along, he was never going to get over his crush if he reacted like a prepubescent child every time.

Together they went through each line and chose only the very best worded and fitting ones. It was fun. As someone who dances for a living, he obviously loved music. He had participated in a few songs before, only very minor roles, but it was still something he hoped to one day get better at.

Jaebeom leaned a little closer to get a better look as he scribbled something on their new sheet.

"I think, this here," he pointed, "would go well with this part of the song." He stretched out his arm across the desk. His bicep brushed against Yugyeom's shoulder. Jerking back slightly, his whole shoulder felt like it was on fire. He swallowed. The tension in the air was thick. The romantic lyrics they were writing together felt so intimate and the sensuous music now playing wasn't making it better. Was Jaebeom feeling the same thing Yugyeom was?

Clearing his throat, he managed a response. "Yeah, that works."

As if a switch had been turned on in him, the other man started annotating their work, completely engulfed. He didn't say anything, not wanting to be a distraction. Instead he just watched. Jaebeom's hand ran through his own hair, back muscles flexing as fiddled with the equipment. While Jaebeom was fully into his work, Yugyeom was fully into Jaebeom. Another couple of minutes passed in silence.

"I think we might have something good here." He looked over at Yugyeom who was still entranced. He widened his eyes. Did they finish?

"This is a good place to stop I think. I'll have to record everything later but do you want to hear me sing it?"

"Live?"

He only hummed in agreement as the music started playing again. His soft but stable singing filled the room. It was a sound Yugyeom was clearly familiar with, but hearing him live was a whole different experience. Last time was at an open-mic they went to with the rest of their friends back in October. However, this was different. This was personal. This was intimate.

Jaebeom wasn't singing tipsy to an audience at an indie bar. Jaebeom was singing to him. He was singing the metaphors of fleeting love they had written together, the lush lyrics that held a much more implicit meaning, and the flowery verses telling the story of a short but passionate relationship between two people. For a moment, he wished that that could be the two of them. Rather than the long and sometimes rather painful one-sided love, he wished that his feelings would be reciprocated even if it was for a short time. Maybe that way, although he should still probably be heartbroken for a while, he would come to his senses and realize that they were not meant to be.

Yugyeom's heart swelled for a second as he imagined that he was the subject of the flirty song. The tension he had been dealing with seemed to grow thicker. Not even one of those stainless steel super sharp steak knives that are always advertised on TV could cut through the ambiance in this small room.

The song came to a rather fulfilling end. They locked eyes for what felt like the longest three seconds of his entire life. The intense expression Jaebeom always wore while singing hit differently in this moment of time. No words were needed because with one look at Yugyeom’s expression, anyone could probably tell he loved the song. 

“Have you eaten?” Jaebeom asked with a small smile. 

“I had lunch.”

“It’s almost nine. I haven’t eaten anything either, let’s go get something together.”

That’s how they found themselves sitting in a corner at a nearby chicken joint. The place was basically empty besides them and the two other employees working the night shift. A waiter approached their table and asked for their order. Jaebeom ordered for them.

“Oh and,” Had they missed something? “We would like two pints of beer as well.” Nodding, the waiter left and disappeared behind the curtains in the back into the kitchen.

“Alcohol? We both have class tomorrow?”

“Just a little. These last few weeks have been super stressful and now that I’ve finally gotten somewhere with the song, I think we should celebrate.”

“Fair enough.”

Once their food arrived, they talked about everything that had happened this last semester. They were trying to cover everything they forgot to tell each other but the list just seemed to go on. Their laughter filled the empty room as Yugyeom explained the time when Bambam, Youngjae and him got drunk and woke up in the ceramics classroom. They had drunkenly used the clay in the class to create three of the ugliest pots ever. The ceramics teacher threw a whole tantrum and threatened to sue, but even the board of directors found that to be too excessive. In the end they were condemned to a week of cleaning up after the ceramics department.

Jaebeom was laughing so hard he could barely get a sentence out. They were both already on their fourth drink and definitely drunk. He beckoned for another, but even the waiter knew that there was no way they would get home if they drank anymore.

"Here's the check instead." He gave them both a pointed look.

"It's on me." Jaebeom had already pulled out his wallet. "Please keep the change."

He smiled over at the waiter who gave him a grateful nod and piled up their plates. Jaebeom looked straight at him and winked.

"You can pay next time."

The stupidest smile was plastered on Yugyeom's face. Next time. There would be a next time.

Stumbling slightly, they made their way out onto the dark streets of Seoul.

"Ugh... the bus stop is quite far from here. We'll have to walk for a while," the younger boy latched onto his older friend's arm. "You can barely walk straight."

"Actually I think you can't walk straight," he retorted, resting his head on his shoulder. He was slightly shorter than Yugyeom and his head seemed to fit perfectly in the crook of his neck. Both of them burst into another wave of laughter at this. Almost tripping over, they made their way to the bus stop.

It was very cold and Yugyeom just knew that his nose had turned a rosy red color. The only thing illuminating their way were the poorly lit street lights and multicolor store signs. The neighborhood wasn't exactly in the center of Seoul so it was quiet and there were only a couple of cars that drove by sometimes.

His mind was too foggy to fully comprehend the situation. Their arms were locked together at the elbow and they were physically closer than they had possibly ever been before. The only thing between them was their thick padded coats, but even then Yugyeom could still imagine how warm Jaebeom was under there.

"Finally," he mumbled. The sign right in front of them listed the three different buses that visited this stop. "Don't you have to take a different bus than me? Do you see this? We made it just in time for the last bus... Five more minutes for me..." He yawned.

Even with his mouth opened incredibly wide and eyelids that barely managed to stay open, Yugyeom's heart fluttered. Sitting on the bench, Jaebeom flashed him a lazy, drunk smile. Their faces were close. Too close. So close, in fact, that the vapor of their hot breaths in the cold air mingled. He looked down at Jaebeom's lips... This was the moment. The moment Jinyoung and Bambam encouraged him about. Their words from earlier in the week brought a new sort of confidence in him.

With this boost of boldness, he leaned closer until their lips crashed together. His eyes were shut lightly, too drunk to be nervous. All his efforts of hiding any feelings for that man for god knows how long had just been thrown out of the window. And he couldn’t care less about it. This was what he had been waiting for. Everything seemed to fit right in place. It was perfect. 

There was no reaction for a second before he felt Jaebeom’s lips push back against his. He let go of the breath he didn’t know he was holding before leaning towards him, freezing hand cupping his cheek as he nearly let a hum of satisfaction escape his lips. 

The kiss was sweet, delicate, mellow, and like everything he had ever dreamed of. His lips were chapped because of the cold, but still felt warm against his. He didn’t care. It felt right. It felt like Jaebeom.  
Those were the best 5 seconds of his life. Everything was going so well until Jaebeom pushed him away, harshly. All of the amazingly warm feeling that had built up inside his chest froze immediately. He opened his eyes to see an unreadable Jaebeom. He had no idea what he was feeling. Was it disgust? Confusion? Regret? All of them combined?

“W-What are you doing? We can’t…” He muttered, perplexed. 

Yugyeom was more than sobered up now. The realization of what he had just done with him like the fastest truck on the planet. He had just kissed Jaebeom. He kissed the guy he had a massive crush on for more than a year. 

Okay. 

Breathe. 

Don’t panic. 

Play it off like a drunk thing. 

“But you kissed me back.” 

What the fuck. 

No, why did you say that dumbass?

“I know but… It’s not right… We’re just drunk.” 

He regrets it.

He hated it. 

“Let’s act like it ever happened.”

“Yeah, let’s forget it ever even happened.”  


Ouch.

The words stung. It hurt. Really badly. Heartbreak mixed with deception sprinkled with frustration. Something boiled inside of him, mingling with guilt and panic. 

“Yeah, you’re right. Fucking forget about it.” He replied with a cold voice and quickly pushed himself away from him. 

“Why are you angry? You said it first- It was just a drunk slip up.” Jaebeom chuckled, still just as drunk and confused. Yugyeom could have heard the gears turning in his head if he wasn’t blinded by this unknown feeling.

“Yeah right, a slip-up.” He was mad. Furious. He looked away, eyebrows furrowed and heart aching. When had this headache even started? The younger male groaned as he stood up, wobbling a little and holding his head. 

“You should sit down, you don’t look well.”

“I’m fine. I think I’m going to walk to catch a taxi or something.” He declared, fists tightly clenched as he looked up to shoot Jaebeom a sour smile and nod. “See you later, hyung.” He walked away, long and focused strides with no idea where he was supposed to go. He heard Jaebeom call out his name, but that may have been his imagination. Or the absurd hope he had of the older running after him. 

Soon enough, anger became sadness. This was it. The rejection he had been dreading. Such a rash and idiotic decision now resulted in losing him. Would he even talk to him again? Would they remain friends, passing this incident off as a spur of the moment drunk mistake? He would still have to live on knowing that it wasn’t a mistake. Although the aftereffect wasn’t ideal, to him it meant something. To him, it was still special. 

He didn’t know how long he had walked for but he felt tired. Breathless. He came to a halt and stared at the concrete under him before realizing he was crying. That’s when he let it all out. Tears of frustration and anger ran down his face. He yelled out into the dark sky. Why, why, why, why? Why did he do that? Crouching down, he rubbed the tears away. Then Yugyeom did something he never thought he would. He laughed. Uncontrollable laughter spilled out of him. This was really the end. He’d messed up any minuscule of progress he had managed and was back at the starting line. Hell, there wasn’t even a finish line anymore. 

He couldn’t move. He didn’t want to move. He just stayed in the middle of the empty sidewalk, face hidden between his knees. Laughter turned into sobs again. He didn’t remember when it started but he didn’t stop for a while. It wasn’t until every inch of his body started shaking that he decided that the cold was now unbearable and it was time to leave. 

Somehow managing to get up, he wiped his face and looked around. People were walking by him, giving him strange and concerned glances. He couldn’t preoccupy himself with those at the moment. Had he walked this far? He was already much closer to his apartment. 

He ruffled his hair, trying to look less of a mess on the outside than he was on the inside. Turning the collar of his coat up, Yugyeom snuggled into it, in search of the tiniest bit of warmth he needed during this terrible winter night. 

It wasn’t earlier than 2 am when he arrived at the apartment. Stepping inside his warm home, he sighed in relief. Cheeks still stained with tears that hadn’t stopped from rolling down throughout the whole way. He was crushed. 

Small hiccups echoed in the entrance as he took off his long coat and all the accessories that hadn’t succeeded in keeping him warm. Despite how exhausted he was feeling, he knew he wasn’t going to get one minute of sleep that night. 

He walked into the living room where he saw Bambam seated in front of the TV, school books and notes sprawled around their coffee table. His eyes were glued to the widescreen where some random fashion show was playing. 

“Welcome home…” His words trailed off as he turned to look at his roommate and saw in what state he was. “Bro, you okay ?” He could feel the worry in his voice.

“Do I look okay ?” 

That was rude, you ass.

He’s just concerned about you.

But it was his fault.

“Didn’t you say you were out with Jaebeom? What happened ?” He followed up, ignoring his crude tone.

“I followed your and Jinyoung’s dumb advice, that’s what happened.”

Why did they have to tell me to go for it?

“What?” 

“Doesn’t matter.” He walked away and slammed his bedroom door. Bambam was right on his heels. 

“Tell me what happened.”

“I said it doesn’t matter anymore,” Yugyeom replied through gritted teeth. “We both got what we wanted. You got me to make a move. And now I get to completely forget about the last year.” He was basically yelling at this point. 

“Don’t blame this all on me! Tell me what you did-” 

“What I did? You mean what you and Jinyoung did?” He gave Bambam a push on the shoulder that ended up being a little more aggressive than he anticipated. 

“You're drunk and emotional, I’m not fighting with you now. Go take a shower and calm down.”

“Emotional? I’m not emotional? There are no more emotions to be felt-”

Visibly angry, Bambam got closer and grabbed him by the shoulder. “Stop acting like this. Laying around and having this pity party of yours won’t change anything. What happened, happened. I can help you if you just explain.”

“I don’t need your pity.” He shrugged off his friend’s hand. “Leave.” 

“No.” He looked him straight in the eyes.

“Leave.” This time, he avoided eye contact. Hot tears were coming back, threatening to spill. Hadn’t he cried enough already? Bambam’s gaze visibly softened. 

“Okay. I’ll go. But we’re talking about this tomorrow. I’m not having a redo of last summer with the whole Irene thing.” 

He flopped down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. The fatigue of having let out so many emotions and fought with his best friend mixed with the drowsy effect of the alcohol knocked him almost immediately.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter bitchezz  
> There was gonna be 4 chapters but we decided to merge the last two  
> <3 enjoy and thank youuuu everyone that followed the journey

Jaebeom watched in a drunken confusion as Yugyeom blurrily ran away from him. He must have said something wrong or else he wouldn’t have stormed off like that but Jaebeom’s current drowsy mind could barely comprehend what just happened. Did Yugyeom want to kiss him?

He brushed his fingertips over his lips. The very same lips that were pressed against his friend’s just a minute ago. Friend. Yugyeom was his friend, so why did they kiss?

What scared Jaebeom the most however was not the actual kiss itself. People do weird shit when they’re wasted and he knew that just as well as anyone. For a second, just a second, with his body close to Yugyeom’s and the feeling of his soft mouth on his own, he felt something twist inside. It was the way his stomach had fluttered that scared him the most. He panicked and pushed the other man away, thinking that he would clearly understand.

However, whatever went wrong in that fixed moment in time, as his hands were on his chest and their lips disconnected, Jaebeom did not quite understand. The half an instant that made the world around them go out of focus and drowned out the noise of traffic was suddenly ruptured. Torn apart just as fast as it had happened.

He was jerked out of his thoughts by the bus slowing down to a halt in front of him. Dizzy, he made his way to a seat. The ride was spent with his forehead pressed against the dirty glass, staring at everything and nothing at the same time.

Jackson greeted him first as Jaebeom entered the apartment he shared with Jinyoung.

“Dude,” he slapped him on the shoulder. Jaebeom groaned in pain.

“I know that didn’t hurt,” he rolled his eyes. “Geez, how much did you drink?”

“Too much”

“Who were you with? Did you have a bad time?”

“No.”

“So you had a great time then?” he raised his eyebrows suggestively.

“No.”

He pushed past him, Jackson’s enthusiasm was starting to make his head hurt.

“What does that even mean?” Jinyoung popped out from behind Jackson.

“Nothing. Nothing special happened. We just ate dinner.” He just shrugged. “I’m tired.”

“Okay. But if there was something wrong you’ll tell me.” Jinyoung eyed him suspiciously. He knew something was wrong, he always did. Jaebeom was not in the mood to deal with Jinyoung along with his own internal conflicts. So instead he just gave him a lazy nod and went to his room, dragging his feet on the wooden floors.

“What was that all about?” He heard Jackson whisper behind his back before shutting the door and welcoming the comfort of his own space. The last thing he remembered before blacking out was hoping that the two of them wouldn’t make too much noise in the room next door. The walls happened to be quite thin and Jackson happened to be quite loud.

* * *

A month had passed already and life went on. Yugyeom couldn't stop time to process that night despite how badly he wanted to. He didn't have the free time to lay around as he did during the summer, crying his heartbreak away. Bambam knew how to deal with his emo ass this time, but they were both swept away by the tide of schoolwork and pressure.

His friend barely let him sleep 8 hours before he forced him out of the bed with those damn arms of his (Bambam spent half of his free time weightlifting these days). If this was during their middle school years, there was no way Bambam could have even made him budge. Now he could easily drag him by the arms into the bathroom and force him to take a cold shower.

Since the kiss, he avoided even being in the same 100-meter radius as Jaebeom. Of course, he hadn't joined their little weekly personal hangouts but had instead finessed his way into hanging out with another two or three of their friends at a time. Consequently, he had hung out with Jinyoung less. He didn't want to tell him what had happened and neither did he want to go through his infamous thorough interrogations.

He could tell his friends were getting suspicious of the abrupt excuses he made every time Jaebeom stepped into the hall or was even mentioned. He hadn't even looked him in the eye since then, except a very awkward exchange of glances in the corridors. He knew he remembered it. He would have reached out if he didn't.

Steadily, thanks to Bambam and the immense amount of practices that started to get scheduled up, the thought of Jaebeom started to pester him less. However, any time that he was alone, with no friends or distraction insight, the feelings of Jaebeom's hands pushing him away crept back up, as if it was haunting him.

  
It was just another busy day as he was walking down his usual street, having just left the subway. The snow that was falling was light and that’s how he liked it best. There were no more pretty Christmas lights anymore, instead of getting replaced by the romantic pink lights since Valentine’s day was dangerously approaching.

Usually, Yugyeom managed to find another one of his friends that was single that he could pester, but this time, he felt like he would be spending it alone. And that was fine, right?

As his mind was slowly inching into depressed mode again, the loud ringtone of his own blasting through his earbuds made him flinch, immediately pulling him out of his thoughts. “Shit..” He mumbled as he quickly pulled his phone out of his pocket.

His eyes stared at the screen for a second as he read the name in the big white font on his phone where “Jaebeom” was written. He froze for a second, trying to think of the most rational choice here but his heart quickly took over the decision-taking part of his thought process. And there he was, rushing to take off his gloves with his mouth before getting frustrated, too scared that the other would hang up before pressing the “answer call” button with his nose.

“H-Hello ?” He finally declared, a little breathless. His heart was already thumping in his chest and he hadn’t even said a word. Was he calling him to ask him to never hang out again? Or maybe to tell him how fucked up what he had done was?

"Why have you been ignoring me?" A slurred voice said. Was he drunk?

"I haven't." He would not be a pushover.

"Yes. You have. I miss you." Yugyeom froze. His ears must not be working because there is no way he heard that correctly. "I want to see you."

"I'm busy."

"Please?" His voice was strained. That slight change in intonation almost made Yugyeom cave instantly.

“Where are you now?”

“I’m at Yoongi’s place. He knows all the great-” a hiccup, “tequila combinations.” Of course, he was at Yoongi’s. They were classmates and often made songs together whether it be for projects or just for fun. However, the seriousness with which they made music together was not brought into other aspects of their lives.

“Then get him to call you an uber.” He would not back down. Who even got so trashed this early in the night? This was his responsibility so he can deal with it himself. Plus, he could just as easily call Jinyoung.

“He’s completely wasted too. I thought of you first,” another hiccup and then laughter, “please come.”

Even though Yugyeom could almost hear the pout with which Jaebeom said those words, he was still ready to refuse him. But, Jaebeom had called him first. Before Jinyoung. Before Mark. Before Youngjae. First. Huffing, he figured that he could easily go pick up his friend and get home in time before it got too late.

Luckily Yoongi lived in the same vicinity as all of them, but still, Yugyeom cursed as he walked up the stairs to the older student’s third floor flat. It was considerably bigger than his own apartment, but it also housed more people. He expected a party of some sort, loud music and cheers, but as Hoseok opened up the door for him he saw it was just a group of friends that got together to drink their stress away. How depressing.

He kept a straight face. “Jaebeom called. I hope he’s still alive.”

“Of course, dude! Do you wanna join…? There’s probably some weed leftover,” Hoseok winked. He was obviously also high, or drunk, or most likely both. Yugyeom only shook his head, the faster he finished this the better. One thing he noticed though was that Jaebeom looked considerably happier than what he sounded like on the phone barely half an hour ago.

“Aw, you came.” Jaebeom stumbled to put his shoes on. “This was fun,” he addressed Hoseok. “But…” They stared at each other. “I forgot what I was going to say.” Hoseok grabbed him by the shoulder.

“Then stay some more!”

“You know what, maybe I should. Sorry, Yug-”

“No. I’m taking you back. I didn’t come here for nothing.” He took his hand. “We’re leaving. Thank you, Hoseok, and thank Yoongi for us.” Hoseok only smiled brightly as Yugyeom dragged Jaebeom out of there.

* * *

“Ow-”

“No, wrong -”

“Stop-”

Leaning heavily on Yugyeom, Jaebeom was barely holding himself upright at this point. He fished the keys out of the other man’s pocket and opened the door up to a sombre apartment.

“Where’s Jinyoung?”

“With Jackson.” Jaebeom buried his face in Yugyeom’s neck. God help me. He was sure his whole face had turned red. Clutching to each other, they made their way to the couch.

“Why were you ignoring me? And don’t say you weren’t because I know you were. I noticed, you know. It was so sudden… I thought something…” He faltered. This was the most put together sentence he had said so far. Yugyeom motioned for him to wait a second and left to fetch some new clothes and warmer blankets. The temperature was in the negatives and they had frozen on the journey here.

“Do you want anything before I go? Tea, water?”

“Do you regret kissing me?” The question took him aback. They locked eyes.

“You said it yourself, this was a mistake.” Before he managed to get up, Jaebeom caught his wrist and pulled him back down to sit on the couch.

“It was a mistake.” Yugyeom felt another spark of hurt, he didn’t need to be told that again.

“Please let go of me.” He whispered.

“The mistake was that our first kiss happened while we were hammered at some dirty bus stop outside in the cold.”

“Please don’t get my hopes up for nothing. I’m begging you.” He looked up at the ceiling, voice cracking as the painful clench of his heart caused tears to swell in his eyes.

“I’m not, I swear. I just… I can’t explain it to you right not but just... Don’t go.” He sighed before he gently tugged on his arm, and Yugyeom fell limply against his body.

He took in a sharp breath as the elder’s arms wrapped around him and squeezed him in the warmest hug he had ever been given.

They sat there, in each other’s comforting embrace. Yugyeom’s tears rolled down his cheeks as he slowly brought up his arms and hung them loosely over his shoulders at first, face going to hide in the crook of his neck and cried silently. And Jaebeom let him.

Slowly, his hands slowly clutched onto the other’s sweatshirt, pulling himself closer this time. He didn’t know when but he quickly ended up on the other’s thighs. They didn’t let go, and neither did they want to.

The minutes passed by as Yugyeom gradually calmed down and they were now just hugging. It felt nice. The embrace he had dreamed of for so long.

“Let’s go to bed.” Mumbled Jaebeom’s voice, sleepy and hoarse.

“Okay, let’s get you to your room.” He murmured as he carefully climbed off of him and grabbed his hand. Jaebeom clumsily stood up and followed him obediently.

They didn’t exchange any words as Yugyeom undressed Jaebeom that stayed seated on the border of his large bed. He wasn’t nervous as he shed the other’s clothes, even if he should be before putting on him the clothes that had been messily shoved under a pillow.

Once he had finished, he looked down at Jaebeom and they looked into each other's eyes for a long moment. Once he slipped the other’s pajama bottoms on he stood back and stood back up.

“I’ll get going now,” he sniffed and pulled away, but Jaebeom caught him by the arm again. This time much gentler, fingers barely holding him.

“No, it's okay… You can stay.” Yugyeom took in a sharp breath, hesitating to refuse. “You can have some of my clothes,” he blushed, and continued in a softer “but only if you want to, of course.”

Outside it was snowing heavily and you probably couldn’t see one meter in front of you. On the other hand, the warmth radiating off of Jaebeom’s body and of the bed was feeling really enticing right now. Even if his mind told him it would be more appropriate to leave, his tired body was screaming the opposite.

“Okay.”

Hopping out of bed, he threw him a pair of sweatpants and an oversized shirt.

“Could you… turn around?” He mumbled.

“It’s not like I’ve never seen you shirtless before,” he grumbled back before turning towards the wall. Throwing the makeshift pajamas on, he smiles thinking of how big the clothes were on him even if he was slightly taller.

“Come,” the older man motioned for him to lay down next to him and switched off the lights. In the darkness, they were laying down together. In one bed. Under one blanket. Jaebeom turned his back to him but before he could feel hurt, he made sure Yugyeom had wrapped himself around him. They were… cuddling. Never in his life could he have imagined this scenario. Yet, here they were. Inching a little closer so that they were now on the same pillow, Yugyeom could feel the rhythm of his breathing and quickly fell asleep.

* * *

Something tickled his nose. He turned his head to the side. It happened again. What was that and why did he now have the irresistible urge to sneeze? Opening his eyes, Nora, one of the five cats Jinyoung and Jaebeom shared the apartment with, was pointing laser eyes at him. And that’s when he sneezed three times consecutively. At the same time, he noticed that the siamese cat was not the only thing on his chest. Jaebeom’s cheek was pressed onto him and he also had thrown one leg over him sometime during the night. Warmth bloomed in his stomach. He bit his lip and turned his head to the side to try to keep his smile underway.

Nora, however, was not backing down. He had taken her place next to Jaebeom and she was ready to throw hands, or in her case, claws. She takes a fluffy, vengeful step forward. Then another. Then another. The only thing in between her and the human imposter was Jaebeom. She put her paw on his head and sat right on top of him.

“Woah, woah, woah,” he tried to get her off. Either the lack of oxygen caused by Nora’s fat ass on his face or Yugyeom’s abrupt movement woke him up suddenly.

He groaned, “Baby, get off.” He pushed Nora lightly before taking her in his arms and lifting her. While still laying over Yugyeom, he gave his cat a kiss. She meowed.

“I don’t think she likes me very much…” he thought out loud.

“She’ll get over it.” He placed her back down on the mattress as the cat slowly found her way to the other side of it. “Don’t be mean to my boyfriend..” He grumbled

It took a moment before he registered what he had said. For both of them.

“Ugh…. I mean…” Stuttering, he retracted. Yugyeom instantly missed the weight of his body.

Wincing, he decided to just continue. “Look, I know I fucked up. A lot. Like a lot, a lot. And I don’t exactly know how you feel about me, but these last few weeks… Even before we kissed, I think I started to develop a teeny tiny crush. I’m not going to lie, I was a little embarrassed. I thought you would never even see me like that… but then we spent that day at the studio together and then you kissed me and I felt like maybe we could have had something.”

He paused for a second. They were both sitting up now. Yugyeom placed his hand over his and they intertwined fingers.

“And then you started to ignore me so I thought you hated me and that you regretted it.” His voice was shaky at the end.

“No, you idiot. I’ve liked you for so long now. Ask Jinyoung or Bambam, they’ve been trying to set us up for a year.” Jaebeom’s jaw dropped in disbelief. “I ignored you, because I thought you regretted it, and that you hated me for it.”

“Over a year…” he whispered.

“You should be careful around Bambam. He had to deal with me every time I cried about you.” He said rolling his eyes.

“You cried over me…” Yugyeom realized what he had just said. Jaebeom looked like he himself now was about to cry. “I mean it’s not that big of a deal-”

“Of course it’s a big deal!” he interrupted. “I hurt you!”

“You didn’t even know,” he retorted back, “I should have made myself more clear earlier on.”

Jaebeom didn’t reply to that. He just embraced Yugyeom in one of his massive hugs and they plopped back down onto the pillows. Yugyeom let out a small “oof” as Jaebeom proceeded to flip them over so that the former was under him.

“I’m sorry.”

With the way he said that there was no way Yugyeom would not believe him.

“So what are you going to do about it, huh?” He teased, indirectly acknowledging the apology.

“If you let me,” Jaebeom leaned closer. “This.” He pressed his lips against Yugyeom’s. This kiss was different from their first one. This one held meaning and emotion and history.

However, the kiss escalated from soft and sweet to something with more passion. His hands went up under the other man’s shirt and ran his hands along his torso while Jaebeom put one hand on his upper thigh and the other cupped the side of his face. Their bodies moved in harmony, making up for lost time. As Jaebeom’s hand went higher and squeezed, he tried to conceal a breathy moan.

Keyword, tried. His face heated up in embarrassment but Jaebeom didn’t seem to care. Instead, his tongue traced along the inside of Yugyeom’s lower lip. He parted his mouth in reaction, but rather in kissing him harder, he peppered kisses from the corner of his lips, down to his jaw, and even lower to his neck.

Yugyeom let out a louder, fuller moan. He was so caught up in the moment that he didn’t realize Jaebeom’s erection pressing against the inside of his thigh.

“I want this off.” he tugged on the older man’s top. In one swift movement, both of their shirts seemed to have vanished. The only thing in between them was the fabric of his sweatpants and Jaebeom’s boxers.

An annoyed meowing was heard. For the second time today, Nora decided to intrude. She hissed at Yugyeom and tried to jump in between them. He yelped in surprise. With a chuckle, Jaebeom took her out of the room.

“No, Nora. Not now,” he closed the door in her face. Laying shirtless in his bed all hot and bothered, was Jaebeom’s new boyfriend and as much as he liked the view, he had to go satisfy his new lover . “Let’s get back to what we were doing.”

“Wait,” Yugyeom let out a laugh. He didn’t look as if he was about to stop.

“How did she even get in here? I always close the door…” Jaebeom pondered out loud, poking the giggling boy. “Stop,” He pouted.

“I can’t anymore.” Yugyeom managed to say through laughter. “That was so funny, I’ll have to compete with a cat for the rest of our relationship!”

Jaebeom furrowed his eyebrows. “Actually you’ll have to compete with five cats…” This only made Yugyeom burst into another fit of laughter. After rolling his eyes and pressing another kiss on his cheek, Jaebeom got back up. “I have to feed them now. You can go shower while I do that.”

Finally feeling clean Yugyeom walked into the kitchen to watch Jaebeom make breakfast.

“Where’s Jinyoung?”

“He probably came home late and left early. We overslept a bit and had to work on something this morning. I thought Jackson would’ve been here too though, but I guess not today.”

“On Saturday? Wow,” he hugged him from behind. “What do we tell our friends though? Can we… keep it a secret for a little while first?”

“Anything you want,” he turned around, giving him another peck on the lips. “Your food is ready, your majesty.” Yugyeom pushed him lightly.

“Shut up. That’s so cringey, even for you.”

* * *

“Cheers.” Chuckled Yugyeom as he held up his can of beer to Jaebeom who held up his, their drinks satisfyingly clinking together.

The weather was slightly warmer as spring finally started to settle in. Although the wind coming from the river was still noticeable, the onset of blooming flowers that littered the soft grass of the park they were in made it tolerable. In any case, the weather played a very small role in whether or not he planned to go out. At this point, he would do anything to spend some time with his boyfriend as they rarely found time alone anymore.

Along with the numerous projects that kept both of them busy, but especially Jaebeom these days, they had to tiptoe around their friends so that they wouldn’t suspect anything. Bambam once came early from a trip and had caught Jaebeom at their place in the morning. The couple barely managed to come up with a petty excuse about how Jaebeom had just been drunk and needed a couch to crash on. Bambam looked like he believed it but still asked Yugyeom again about it later.

“This is great,” his breath hitched.

“...but what” Jaebeom looked a little worried for a second. “Is there something you don’t like? What should I do?”

“No,” he laughed at how cute Jaebeom looked when he was panicking over him. “It’s perfect. I love this. Sitting here with you, just relaxing and talking - it’s amazing and I missed this.” He brought a piece of kimbap to his mouth. “You’re cooking is great, by the way. Honestly, it’s also the main reason we’re dating.”

“Hey!” Jaebeom whined. “There are many other reasons to date me…”

“And what would those be,” he replied, distracted by some dirt that found its way on the blanket.

“This, for one.” He moved closer to Yugyeom. Once he turned his head to face his boyfriend, Jaebeom gave him a short but sweet kiss.

“Ew,” Yugyeom teased, visibly blushing.

“Now tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s just… I kind of feel bad we lied to the guys.” He sighed. “I obviously don’t regret being here with you, but all seven of us haven’t done anything together in almost a month now.” He leaned onto Jaebeom’s chest, warm arms hugged him from behind and squeezed slightly.

“They’ll be fine, I’m sure,” he hummed. “Our excuses were solid.”

“But if they find out?”

“Stop worrying already,” he said against the younger man’s ear. The tickling feeling of his breath made him retract in surprise and rollover. Laughing, Jaebeom leaned over him. Their faces were close again and their noses brushed. It was the perfect moment.

The area of the park they chose to sit at was sort of secluded and there were enough trees around that they wouldn’t be immediately spotted. It was where they had often spent time as a group as freshmen because of the shade and soon realized it was a perfect spot. Not to mention there were many other couples that had the same idea as them. Wherever you looked there were people on dates or friends enjoying some time together.

Yugyeom pressed his lips against Jaebeom’s.

“And what do we have here?” A familiar voice caused both of them to jump away from each other. Jinyoung’s figure was looming over them. To his left, Jackson and Bambam were trying hard to keep their laughter in and to his right stood Mark and Youngjae.

“Listen-” He tried to come up with an excuse, an explanation, anything.

“Yugyeom, is this the professor you’re supposed to be helping out today?” Jinyoung said with a single perfect eyebrow raised.

“Um-”

“Do you also go on picnic dates with your professors?” Jackson snickered.

“Do you also kiss your professors?” Mark added.

“I mean,” Bambam piped up. “If my professors made me food, I would.”

“We can explain-” Jaebeom tried again.

“Yes, you should explain.” Youngjae went to sit down next to them. “I’m so heartbroken right now. Why didn’t you tell me? I get the food as compensation.”

“What do you mean “you”? Why didn’t you tell all of us?” Mark scoffed and joined Youngjae. Just like that the seven of them were squished in a circle. Yugyeom didn’t even have the comfort of sitting next to his boyfriend. Instead, Jackson’s jacked thighs were pushing against his own on one side and Mark accidentally elbowed him on the other side twice already.

He cleared his throat. “Actually, we haven’t been completely honest with you.” Jaebeom gave him an encouraging look as if this didn’t involve him too. “We’re dating.”

He was met with silence. “As of the middle of February. We’re dating.” No one said a single word. Why didn’t they say anything? Did they not approve? “If you don’t like it, it’s not our problem, it’s yours. We’re sorry we didn’t say anything before, but I -” he corrected himself, “we really want to make this work. We like each other and it’s serious.”

They had actually never talked about how serious their relationship was, but the small smile on Jaebeom’s face was confirmation enough. He opened his mouth to continue, Jaebeom’s silent support motivating him.

“Dudes.” Bambam put a hand on his shoulder then reached all the way over and managed to reach Jaebeom’s knee. “Sorry to break it to you, but you both made it so painfully obvious.”

“You always stare. You touch all the time. Yugyeom, you giggle every time Jaebeom whispers something to you.” Mark pointed out nonchalantly.

“I. Do. Not. Giggle” He said through gritted teeth.

Jinyoung slapped his roommate on the shoulder. “You giggle and this one blushes like crazy.”

“How long have you known then?” Jaebeom gasped.

“We knew something was up when you were ignoring him for what seemed like no reason.” Youngjae continued. “And yes, you didn’t hide that either. Plus, to be fair, we all knew you like him even if he didn’t see it himself-”

“I said I was sorry!”

“-Actually, everyone but Jackson really. He didn’t notice either until he caught you two sleeping together on Valentine’s day. The picture was really cute-”

“Picture? What picture?”

Jackson showed them his phone. It was a photo of the day he brought Jaebeom back from Yoongi’s house. Although it was horribly embarrassing, his face was buried in the older man’s chest and the latter’s hair was spread messily everywhere, he had to admit that they did look cute.

“Can you send that to me?” Jaebeom asked.

“Hey! You’re supposed to be on my side!” He objected with an exasperated sigh, but he also thought the picture held precious memories so he didn’t say anything more.

Leaning back onto his hands, Youngjae continued where he left off. “Bambam clearly caught you that one time,” Bambam muttered a quick ‘disgusting’, “Also, you really thought we wouldn’t notice that you planned something together? We weren’t going to say anything for a while though and let you approach us when you felt ready.”

“That is until we see you doing less than appropriate things in a public area.” Bambam butted in. “There are children here!” Laughter exploded among them. He moves to sit next to Jaebeom, while Bambam’s ew could be heard in the background. Yugyeom pouted in protest and laid his head on Jaebeom.


End file.
